Have you ever noticed how as soon as we take that first step in faith, we begin to feel like we are on the wrong path? Ironically, we find ourselves wanting proof where God has called us to walk in faith.
Is it just me? Or can you relate? We can be completely confident in the thing we are supposed to do, but as soon as we hit minor hurdles, we begin to wonder if we were mistaken and entirely off base.
Some of us begin to search for a sign or an indication that we are on the right track. If you think like me, if you find yourself wanting to please others, your first response when feeling insecure may be to look at how others are responding. Suddenly we get trapped into believing the indication of whether we are on the right or wrong path can be measured by the approval of others. Using the gauge of approval places us in constant turmoil, especially if someone we value silently withholds that all powerful nod.
Tuesday night I started a fundraising program for the fictional novel I wrote and am now rewriting and editing. Four nights later I came home from a eleven hour day at the restaurant and told my husband I shouldn’t be raising money or editing the novel. Tired from a busy day? Perhaps. But it was more than just food server exhaustion.
What had happened in four short days?
- In four short days I saw my possible failure at this venture as being more humiliating than the shame God already helped me walk through in the past.
- In four short days I began to take my eyes off the editing and fundraising God was calling me to do and place them on the response of others.
- In four short days I forgot the importance of being obedient to God over pleasing anyone else.
- In four short days I was willing to trade confidence from the Lord for “Likes” on a Link.
- In four short days I forgot that walking by faith actually meant…WALKING. BY. FAITH.
I have a welcome critic who will most likely call me out on posting this blog. Writing a piece about the need to stop relying on “Likes”, Comments, or Shares, while simultaneously placing it online where other people can give a nods of approval is ironic.
I gave birth to the welcome critic over 24 years ago, and on that evening I guess I invited his lifelong critique, however, at this time posting an ironic blog about faith is part what God is calling me to do as a statement of faith.
There is more at stake in what I am doing than just getting a book published. It’s a matter of doing the things God has called me to do every single time. It may be big, or it may be small–size TRULY doesn’t matter. Obedience matters.
Here’s the thing, the steps I took towards total rebellion to the Lord and the breaking of my marriage vows started off very miniscule. They were tiny little steps of disobedience long before they were outright strides. And late last night, after talking and crying with my husband about the fears I have for continuing with this project, it all came back to that. I heard myself say it before I even fully grasped it, “I can never live in disobedience to the Lord again.” You guys, it was awful. Being in that sin wasn’t pleasurable and exciting, it was terrifying and lonely. I never want to be out of His will again. So, if taking tiny steps will keep me in His will, then tiny steps I will take.