Tag: recovery

I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You a Pumpkin Garden
spiritual growth · Uncategorized

I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You a Pumpkin Garden

Jacquelyn Sill1 Comment

So Fall is here, technically it arrived about a week ago, but for those of us who don’t have an alarm on our phones alerting us to its arrival on September 22, the season doesn’t arrive until the calendar flips to the month with the orange lettering. There are some things you should just wait for. Like Fall. And Christmas. And God’s promises to be fulfilled when it seems like maybe He has forgotten you, and you are sitting in the waiting room, and you begin to wonder if God left the building with a friend for a round of golf and a craft beer.

Psalm 27:13-14 has become a poignant verse for my husband and me over this year and last. It talks about waiting:

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

Photo_6The verse was quoted to my husband and I when we met with the senior pastor of a large church in California following the announcement of my affair and the firing of my husband from his ministerial position. We went to the home of this pastor seeking advice and encouragement at one of the scariest times in our marriage. (Not, THE scariest time in our marriage…just one of them. Trust me, affairs may be bad news but, now that we are a little further away from it, my husband and I would both contest that burying our 19-month-old little girl was far more frightening).

When Pastor Chuck first said the verse I had images congruent with the TV show, The Walking Dead. My mind didn’t capture “the land of the living” without also imagining “the land of the no longer living”. My eyes rose from my sweaty glass of ice water, and looked across the sunny patio with a quizzical grimace. Pastor Chuck responded to the unspoken inquiry explaining that to see God’s goodness in the land of the living meant that we wouldn’t have to wait until we arrived in Heaven to see how God would use our terrible situation for good. We didn’t have to wait until the afterlife to have an understanding that everything was going to be okay. If we could be strong, wait for the Lord, and trust in His promises, we would see the hand of God and witness the unfolding of His plans while we were still alive on planet Earth.

This morning I happened across another verse that spoke of God’s promises:

“And because of His glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises.” 2 Peter 1:4

Photo_4He has given us precious promises. Wow. That lovely truth started my mind spinning to the variety of places claiming God’s promises. I remember hearing a hymn instructing me to stand on the promises of God. I’ve read where Corrie Ten Boom said “Let God’s promises shine on your problems”. And I once saw a really pretty meme with a sunset and a barn that said “God’s promises are like the stars; the darker the night the brighter they shine.” It has to be true if it has a sunset and barn, right?

But aside from accepting that God’s promises are true, my real question was, “What are His promises?” Because if I am waiting for something, I want to know what it looks like.

Photo_2As I began to pray, one thing became clear. I could see with clarity all the promises that are not from God. He never promised a lot of things that I hope for. God never promised that my vitamins would absorb, that the dog’s vet bill would be less than I made in tips last night, or that my hair color would last. He never promised that I wouldn’t need two new tires when it’s most inconvenient, or that Bank of America would wave their policies for loan approval. God didn’t promise that that your child’s self esteem would be high, or your interest rates low. He didn’t promise that your Mother-in-Law would be kind, that your neighbors would be friendly, or that you would conceive a child. He didn’t promise that our jobs would be fulfilling, that we would be cancer free, or that babies wouldn’t die. God never promised that there wouldn’t continue to be wrongful executions. He didn’t promise that slavery would end. He didn’t promise that we would no longer see injustice in our homes, our work places, our country and our world. He didn’t promise a lot of things I hope for.

PhotoSo what did he promise?

God promised that on our very worst day, He would be at His very best to conquer the demons who work to depress and diminish our spirits. God promised power to the weak and rest for the weary. He promised we would soar like eagles, not because our situation would change, but because our souls could be free.

And why should I care?

Because ultimately our desires sit on two different lists. The first set is the list of things that will show me and others that I’ve lived a righteous life. It can look material for some, but it’s not just about accumulating cars and houses. This is the list where you have a purpose in your job. It’s the list where you make a difference because you are using your gift; where the free will of others is significantly impacted by your influence. It’s the list where justice wins, sickness vanishes, and evil is revealed. It’s a good list, desirable indeed. The second list is what God does when those things don’t happen. It’s repetitive, but here goes: it’s finding peace and allowing things to be well with your soul when none of the things on the first list are happening.

Photo_1We are dependent on the second list because that is God’s promise. While the first list is glorious and certainly full of things I wouldn’t turn away, do you realize what happens when we have the first list without the second? If we were to receive all the things that we think we want, and not be clinging to God’s promise to sustain us when problems come knocking, do you know what we’d be? We would be a bunch of middle class Americans whining about all the other promises that were not fulfilled. In other words, to have the first set of promises fulfilled takes us exactly where we are today.

But why can’t I have both?

Because you’d stop caring about the second list. God knows us. And He knows what we can handle and what we cannot. And in as much as we believe that we were made to do great things, God knows that there are greater things than the achievements of man. The peace you find in Him pleases Him. Oh, you’ll still do great things, it just might be measured differently than you imagined. That’s a promise.

He said, She said
affair recovery · marriage

He said, She said

Jacquelyn Sill14 Comments

heartsHe said he would be her friend.

She said she had never had a friend like him.

He said, “Let’s take a walk on the beach.”

She said, “You can hold my hand.”

He said, “I’ll write to you from England.”

She said, “You can kiss me goodbye.”

He said, “I want a Christmas wedding.”

She said “I do.”

He said, “I hope we have a girl.”

She said, “I can’t believe we have a daughter!”

He said, “Don’t be afraid to love a baby boy”

She said, “I like the name Austin.”

He said, “God loves this baby.”

She said, “I think her name is Molly.”

He said, “Our family is complete.”

She said, “I’m pregnant…again.”

He said, “We will hold our baby girl in heaven.”

She said, “I’m clinging to that truth.”

He said, “We need to find another church home.”

She said, “I will follow you anywhere.”

He said that he was sorry.

She said that it wasn’t his fault.

He said, “There’s been a car accident”

She said, “I loved Dan, too.”

He said, “My Mom is gone.”

She said, “I’m sorry.”

He said, “That boy wants to marry our daughter.”

She said, “I want him to marry her, too”

He said, “Our son is going to marry that girl.”

She said, “I certainly hope so.”

He said, “I can’t wait to be a Grandpa”

She said, “No one will do it better.”

He said, “What’s wrong?”

She said, “I lied and I fell.”

He said, “I forgive you.”

She said, “I messed everything up.”

He said, “I love you more.”

She couldn’t respond.

He said, “God has a plan.”

She said, “I believe you.”

He said she was his best friend.

She said she had never had a friend like him.

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The Attack of the Jumping Cholla
Community · spiritual growth

The Attack of the Jumping Cholla

Jacquelyn Sill5 Comments

I sat on the edge of the dirt trail with my hands painfully bound in “cactus handcuffs” and a small tubular cactus embedded in my throbbing thigh. I waited for my hiking partner, my friend and house guest, to return with help. Tears ran down my cheeks, but I couldn’t bring my hand up to my face to wipe them away. If my hands got too close to any part of my body, the spikes from the Jumping Cholla Cactus would attach themselves to yet another part of me. All I could do was stare out at the vast canyon, its overlooking giant red rock mountains, and thank God in advance for the way He was going to use my friend to help me get out of this dire situation.

I couldn’t help but recognize the obvious symbolism in this current crisis we were facing. We had definitely been here before. 

IMG_6547Beauty happens when people hike together. A removal of pretenses and an awareness of the enormity of the Creator opens the door to more intimate conversations. While hiking, people tend to talk from the less accessed areas of their hearts. Dreams, wishes, and regrets are more readily shared. Walking becomes more purposeful, but less rushed. Steps on an incline are small victories. I couldn’t wait to share this experience with my friend.

We began hiking in the later part of the morning, choosing a trail that was not strenuous so we could enjoy our conversation; we began our walk on the easy terrain of a trail near Usery Mountain in Mesa, Arizona. We met other hikers on the path, verified we were heading in the right direction and asked one fellow nature lover to take a photo of us for our social media updates. #hiking

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Neither of us being natives to the Arizona desert, nor having ever hiked the unfamiliar terrain, it wasn’t long before we began to marvel at the variety of plants and the view surrounding us. We would stop to capture photographs of the valley below.

With the sun beating through the spiky cacti which was all around us, we noted how photogenic the cacti looked on this perfect day. The needles transformed in the light of the sun, and the cacti looked fluffy and soft.

Of course, we weren’t naive. We knew it wasn’t fluffy and soft so we wouldn’t intentionally touch it. We knew that touching a cactus was about as foolish as, well, touching a cactus. Why would anyone intentionally do something to themselves that they knew would have a negative impact? It doesn’t require a degree in botany to know that touching a cactus will not end well.

However, had either of us done a little botanical research, we might have had a little more respect for the truest nature of this plant. While we may not have touched it intentionally, it wasn’t long until one of us was inching closer and closer to the bristly bush. And it wasn’t long until the Jumping Cholla Cactus, sensed the predator and made her move.

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In a matter of moments I went from standing “a little close” to a pretty cactus with dainty thorns to being assaulted by one of the most feared and dangerous cacti in the Southwest region of the United States.

It started as I moved one hand too close to the plant, and the first “areole” detached from the base of the plant and attached itself to my hand. Initially, I tried to shake my wrist to free myself from the areole, which resulted in the tube shaped areole detaching from my hand and using its miniature spears to stab into my thigh. I wish I could recall the exact movements I made in defense, but everything happened so quickly. It’s hard to recall which hand moved in which direction and when it went from being a laughable and controlled photo-op memory to a full-blown mini crisis.

The seriousness of the situation came upon both of us at about the same time. Within a few minutes we simultaneously realized that the removal of the cactus wasn’t going to be easy or pain free. The spines (aka thorns) had burrowed deep into my flesh. By the time I had the wherewithal to realize that being still was the first step to freedom, I had circular areoles attached to each hand and one areole lodged deep into my thigh. I looked into the eyes of my friend and with tears I whimpered, “Charlene, help me.”

Each spine is made up of hundreds of microscopic barbs. Imagine you drove your car into a parking garage with tire spikes, and then decided to back up. The spike is there to stop you from backing up. If you continue, you will have a flat tire.  These microscopic barbs are the tire spikes of the cactus plant. The cactus spine goes in easily, but if you try to pull it out–the tiny barb is going to bring down the whole darn parking structure.

After a series of failed attempts to remove the plant from my extremities we were both flustered. There was no way to grab onto the plant and pull it out. Neither of us was in possession of a knife or tweezers, and we couldn’t imagine how I would manage walking back to the car with the plant wedged in my leg.

I heard the voices of other hikers approaching on the trail, so I moved off the trail and behind a bush with my back to them. In my shame for having been so careless, I hid. I didn’t want them to see what I had done. I didn’t want them to see the mess I had created.

My friend suggested we get help. I resisted.

In my pride, I didn’t want anyone to know that I had been so naive to the danger which was likely obvious to others. I sat on the ground and looked out across the valley. I looked down at my hands and saw blood emerging from the entrance points and running down my fingers, and seeing the vibrant red blood streaming down my hand alerted me to the seriousness of the situation.

Pride be gone, shame be real: I needed help. 

Softly I said to my friend, “I think you are going to have to ask someone to help us.”

Not surprisingly the people God provided to help us not only had the tools we needed, but they also had experience with the cacti. They knew the best way to remove it quickly. They offered assistance and pain reliever. They themselves were an offering of grace.

After my friend used their tweezers to free my hands, we stared at the tubular areole that was protruding from my thigh. It was lodged deep and it was not submitting to the tweezers. Finally, the teenage boy in the family who had offered assistance came close and told us how it was going to have to be removed.

“It has to be wedged between two rocks and then yanked out quickly.” Then he narrowed his eyes to my own and said, “And you’re not going to be able to do it.” He looked at my friend and continued, “You are probably going to have to do it.”

We both sat silent. Finally he said, “Or, I could do it.”

Twenty seconds later, I was free. With the help of others, I was released from the burden of something that had proved to be far more harmful than I had realized.

And I was aware.

FullSizeRender (1)Aware of the misleading appearance of sin; temptations can be cunning and guile, full of duplicity.

Aware of the danger of walking too close to something dangerous. Straying from the path and wandering into the wasteland is the road to disaster.

Aware of the way sin latches onto and ensnares its victims until they feel completely incapacitated.

Aware of the uselessness of attempting to free oneself from the sin, while remaining hidden and not accepting help; oftentimes our own efforts only further compound the seriousness of the situation and pull us in deeper. Trying to break-away without accountability oftentimes pushes the sin deeper.

Aware of the need for companionship and support that is practical and physical; loving with words alone does no good. We need someone to hold the rocks and yank.

Aware of the lingering pain in places where the sin was deeply embedded. Even days later as I write this story, there are lingering effects of what happened. My body is slowly ejecting microscopic thorns, and each small thorn reminds me of the pain that came when I carelessly left the path. My hand is slightly arthritic, reminding me of the bondage I was in.  My thigh has a deep dark bruise. It’s a private scar, visible only to my husband, but it’s there all the same.

The sin is gone, bruises and scars are fading, and I walk the path grateful, joyful, and hopeful for having survived what was meant to destroy.

affair recovery · spiritual growth

What I’ve Learned About Lying

Jacquelyn Sill4 Comments

I have come to realize that one of the worst things about lying to someone is what it tells them about trusting the Holy Spirit in their own life.

Having heard the phrase “squelching the Spirit”, but never giving it too much thought, I didn’t realize that I might have the ability to squelch the Holy Spirit’s prompting in the life of someone else. Last year I was fearfully trying to tame the Holy Spirit’s prompts in my own life, and I never considered His presence in the life of someone else.

After everything was out in the open, the truth of how the Holy Spirit had been moving became alarmingly clear.

The Holy Spirit was speaking to several individuals. In different ways the Holy Spirit was bringing thoughts, revelations, and a sense of awareness to them. With no physical evidence, some individuals approached me and asked me very direct questions about the things they were sensing. They mustered courage and trusted the Holy Spirit’s leading, but in an attempt to shut them down and keep them from seeing that they were correct, I flat-out lied to them.

In lying I was doing more than just covering my sin. Without thinking about the long term consequences for them, by lying, I was telling them NOT to trust the prompting of the Holy Spirit in their daily lives. I was teaching them NOT to trust what God was so clearly showing them. The Holy Spirit is alive and He was allowing Himself to be revealed to them in tangible ways, but when I lied I was saying “Don’t listen to God; listen to me.”

A longing to see God.

In Exodus 33:18 Moses tells God that he wants to see His glory. It is at the end of a conversation that Moses was having with God. In their exchange Moses speaks to God about his insecurities. Moses is concerned that others may not understand God’s preference towards the Israelite nation. Led by this fear Moses asks God join them so that they will be clearly distinguished as God’s people. God assures Moses that He will indeed join them. Moses then makes the request to see God’s glory, and God complies in the way that Moses was able to handle.

“…I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But, you cannot see my face for no one may see me and live.” Exodus 33:19-20

God is powerful. He is so powerful that even the Israelite leader with whom he had actual conversations could not see His face and live. This is the same God who created plagues of frogs and locusts. This is the one who created a plague which took out all of the first born males in one night. With His power He parted the sea for His people to pass, and He sustained them for four decades in a desert wasteland. This very same God prompted His Holy Spirit to speak to believers on my behalf in an attempt to bring me to repentance. He was revealing His glory inside of them by allowing them to hear from Him in a personal way.

He was revealing Himself, and I stopped them from seeing His glory.

It’s bad enough that I was willing to let myself travel down a path of destruction and self loathing, but in lying I was also willing to have people who love me feel a lack of trust in the Holy Spirit as He was revealing Himself to them.

Sadly, I am not alone in this, for it is not only those who wear a scarlet letter who have lied.

Many people lie, including some of you who are reading this blog post written by a sinner. Granted, most of our lies don’t have the power to end a marriage, but it does not mean that God is less saddened by the lie. When we lie we are always taking a chance of squelching the Spirit in the life of another believer. When we lie we are saying to them, “Don’t listen to what you may be hearing from God. Listen to me.”

It is not only the large lies that damage another person’s ability to trust in their own intuitive nature and promptings from God. In some ways, the small lies may do more damage–simply because the lie goes undetected. There is no formal announcement to reveal the truth, and often no one is held accountable for the harmless white lie. But for the person to whom the lie was told it could be an ongoing battle for them to be able to discern and trust the Holy Spirit in themselves.

None of us can go back and make a a lie not happen, and there are many lies that will have long-lasting effects on the tellers and the receivers. The damage from a lie may be huge, and it is up to us to strive to make repairs when possible. We can return to the ones who may have courageously confronted us, to apologize and to confirm in them that they were indeed hearing the Holy Spirit. By doing this we encourage them to keep listening to those promptings and to trust those promptings even more in the future.

Through a restless night I rolled these thoughts around, and I awoke feeling awful. Owning the severity of my lies made me feel so unworthy of God’s love.

I opened my Bible and hunted to find answers for times when God’s people longed to be in the presence of the Lord and perhaps had been denied. In Exodus 33:11, I learned that when Moses and God were done speaking, after both had left the tent, Joshua (the aide to Moses) would stay in the tent alone long after. Moses would leave the tent and return to the people–who had been standing and worshiping during the exchange.  Joshua did not return to the camp with Moses. He stayed inside the tent. Perhaps he was soaking it all in. Reading this prompted me to sit in the tent with what I had read throughout the passage.  Tears came to my eyes as God used the same passage for my comfort that He had revealed in my convictions.

“I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion”

God is the one who chooses on whom He will shower His mercies and compassion. We want to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we have made, and oftentimes we can do more damage to ourselves than anyone else is capable.

Sometimes others in our lives want us to suffer more shame for our own sins. Shame is somehow supposed to insure that we will not sin again. However, shame is not powerful enough to have a lasting impact in a person’s life–shame will only bring temporary outward behavior change.

Mercy and Compassion are the tools for heart change. It was always God’s plan to show mercy and compassion to His children–that is why the words He spoke to Moses are echoed in the book of Romans. God’s plan includes mercy and compassion, and as those attributes wash over us we are drawn to His Spirit and we long for His Spirit to be drawn out and revealed in the lives of others.

 

The Lies We Believe
affair recovery · marriage

The Lies We Believe

Jacquelyn Sill10 Comments

I am an obsessive researcher, but only compulsively.  Driven by this nature, God spoke to me in a most unlikely place. Through a Google search I wound up on an advertising website reading an article entitled, Changing Beliefs Vs. Changing Behaviors. The article stated that while it is easy for advertisers to change customers behaviors, changing customers beliefs is a daunting task. In other words, if you are a die hard Coke fan, you may purchase Pepsi because it is on SALE–but deep inside, you still believe (and may be willing to argue) that Coke is better than Pepsi.

Now, I am not interested in the cola wars, or even in advertising. What I am interested in is the truth. Recently, I made a lot of self destructive decisions that ended up causing a great deal of pain, and knowing the truth about my motivations matters to me greatly.

One of the things that I’ve come to realize is that my belief about how I felt about my marriage was a major influence. According to Rick Reynolds, Founder and President of Affair Recovery,

“Most of us believe that the path to a better marriage is through better behavior, but that is not the full truth of the recovery process. In fact, it might not even be the most important thing. More frequently, the path to a better marriage is through changing the lens through which we view our mate.”

This is where is gets tricky, because this is where I unload some of my baggage, or “air some laundry.” Prior to meeting my husband, I had a habit of dating young men  who were not chivalrous. I gave myself completely to several relationships, and each relationship followed the same pattern of intimacy & thrill followed by rejection & heartache. My draw towards people who would treat me poorly increased. At the ripe young age of 21, I understood and even empathized with Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction.

Then I met a very kind young man who treated me differently. His composure with me demonstrated the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. He was respectful and faithful. As much as I knew this was a good thing, it was equally confusing. During our engagement period, there were signs that I was struggling. I did not understand why I didn’t have the erratic feelings that I had experienced in the past. What I didn’t know was that the feelings to which I had become accustomed to were not associated with love, but rather with rejection.  I did not understand how to allow myself to be loved rather than used.

Being used was familiar and understood. This was new territory, and while I attempted to understand it–I didn’t talk to anyone about what I had come to believe, because sadly, what I had come to believe was that I had made a mistake. I had taken a vow, and I had started a family–what I felt was irrelevant. I assumed that as long as my behavior emulated a strong Christian wife, my heart would follow suit and walk the line.

Circa 1988

“If I just had the right behavior, it wasn’t important what I believed.”

Over the last several months, that lie has been shattered. I did not make a mistake when I married my husband. It’s a terrible lie and I don’t believe it anymore. It is also true that believing that lie is dangerous. Every single lie we tell ourselves is harmful. Every. Single. One.

Changing patterns of belief may be uphill work, but the Lord is in me and He is driving every step I take. Sometimes it’s unpleasant and ugly, but I am not interested in looking good on the outside and being confused on the inside. I am not interested in presenting a persona that isn’t true to who I am. The only reason I would strive for that would be if I were selling something. And, once again, I am not interested in advertising.

Text Messaging and Blow Dryers…Instruments of the Lord.
spiritual growth

Text Messaging and Blow Dryers…Instruments of the Lord.

Jacquelyn Sill6 Comments

“Evidence shows that women are less self-assured than men—and that to succeed, confidence matters as much as competence.” -The Atlantic

It was already decided. On Monday morning, between the hours of 10-11 AM, I would seek employment as a Food Server in the hip downtown area of a neighboring city. Working in that atmosphere would fit my personality and still allow me time to pour into my reading and writing. I had already scoped out the upscale restaurants where I hoped to garnish employment, and now I just needed to go in confidently and convince one of the establishments that hiring me was the best choice they would make this month.

Then the alarm went off. It wasn’t an audible alarm–it was an alarm inside of me that had been growing. My hope has been draining over the last few days and the alarming feeling inside was telling me that things were never going to get better, or feel different. My hopelessness was showing through to a few friends, and they were commenting on how important it was that I didn’t withdraw at this time. One friend was bold enough to say, “not allowing people to get close hurt you when it came to having people who would have called you out on the affair, or for you to talk about the feelings you were having.”

ouch.

As soon as I had chosen an outfit for the day, I grabbed my iPhone and worded a text message asking for prayer. I hoped that having others pray would sooth my nerves. My hands were shaking so badly, I had to resort to using the vocal commands to finish the text message. I asked for prayers of confidence. I knew I wanted to send it to a group of people, but I didn’t want to overload anybody’s phone and cause an explosion. I added names, and I deleted names. Satan was having a hey-day even in this simple task of texting. The inner voices started yelling, “She doesn’t want you to keep bothering her!…Don’t text her…she’s got enough on her plate!” and the winner of them all, “Seriously…you are asking for prayer to become a WAITRESS?”

Adding one of the names made me feel especially insecure. She is younger than I am, and busy with her toddler. She was my hairdresser for a couple of years, and I would have continued with her had my daughter not taken over the laborious task of covering my gray. I have admiration for her and her calm spirit, and she has been especially graceful in sending me text messages and in her willingness to pray for me over the last few months. But still…this request seemed so silly. Despite my fears, I added her to the group MMS.

text messaging and blow dryers

The group responded enthusiastically with prayerful responses. My heart was calming down, and I proceeded to apply my make-up with less shaky hand movements. My fears of the younger woman even subsided when she responded to the group text message with a verse:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” 1 Timothy 2:7

I grabbed my blow dryer and began the arduous task of drying my locks. Almost immediately something shot out of the barrel. Then there were SPARKS and SMOKE. The blow dryer exploded and died.

Now, the death of a blow dryer on any occasion is a sad state of affairs, but this was unbelievable. I looked at the plastic carcass of the appliance that had served me so well over the years. Perhaps I should have felt sad for the blow dryer, but honestly, in that moment, I could only think of myself. “Are you kidding me?” I said to the lady with wet hair who stood in the mirror.

The first thing I thought of was the group text message. This was embarrassing. I had asked for prayer, and now it was evident that I was never going to make it to any of the upscale restaurants before the lunchtime rush. I imagined that my unreliable blow dryer would be annoying news to these godly women. I felt like a drug addict telling my sponsor that I had just smoked crack. Still, I had to tell them what was happening. Reluctantly, I typed out a text message sharing the news of my blow dryer’s demise.

Almost immediately, the younger woman responded, “I have an extra dryer if you need it!”

Within 15 minutes I found myself sitting in the downstairs bathroom of my former hairdresser’s home (which coincidentally is just 2 miles from the hip downtown city filled with upscale restaurants). My faithful friend used her blow dryer and her skills to style my hair so that I might go forward with confidence to seek employment.

hair styles

My heart swells and tears fill my eyes at the phenomenal way God works in our lives. The death of my blower dryer was not a surprise to God. He knew my blow dryer was on it’s last leg, and it was His Spirit within me who was prompting me to include her when asking for prayer. I didn’t need to have exceptionally well styled hair to go job hunting, but what I did need to experience was grace and faith in action. This woman was not merely using her words to proclaim that she would be there for me while I climbed out of the mess I had made, she was willing to use her time and her talent. THAT is LOVE. The enemy wants me to doubt myself and live in isolation–but that is not God’s plan for any of us. We are created and called to live in community. Sometimes others make decisions that make finding that community more difficult, but God will use any means to draw us closer to one another if we allow Him access to our lives.